


Dinner and a Show

by lucybeetle



Category: Kamen Rider Ex-Aid
Genre: Alternate Universe - Domestic, Can you spot them?, Crack, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Gift Fic, Guest appearances from some of my and guava's favourite ships, Implied Mpreg, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-10-29 17:13:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10858452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucybeetle/pseuds/lucybeetle
Summary: Taiga isn't happy when expected to host a dinner party for a bunch of people he doesn't care about.





	Dinner and a Show

**Author's Note:**

  * For [guava](https://archiveofourown.org/users/guava/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Two Married Lives](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9811115) by [guava](https://archiveofourown.org/users/guava/pseuds/guava). 



> Birthday fic for guava, whom I love and wish to please.
> 
> She has been longing for fluffy domestic AU, so here it is. Based on guava's own fic "Two Married Lives". Featuring guest appearances from some of our other favourite Kamen Rider ships. You may recognise the ice lolly moment from _Anastasia On Her Own_ by Lois Lowry, a far superior writer than I will ever be.

He wasn't a social animal by nature.

Taiga hadn't had many friends even in his days of professional success; preferring to spend his time studying and developing himself as a doctor rather than enjoying himself with others. That was long ago now, and his best days far behind him, so he was less than pleased when his husband announced that Taiga was due to host a dinner party for several of their contemporaries.

"It has to be our turn at some point," said Kuroto. "We can't keep putting it off. After all, we've had a lot of invitations. Everyone's been very kind."

"Everyone's been a pain in the ass," Taiga said. He didn't remotely care about the local community, and couldn't have been less interested in either hosting or attending anyone's dinner parties. It wasn't a very Japanese habit and Taiga wasn't sure why they all seemed so obsessed with it. He'd gone to a grand total of one of these events, before storming out halfway through, leaving Kuroto to make excuses for him. Ever since then Kuroto usually declined politely or made up some story about one of the kids being ill.

"We're going to need to go shopping later, my little bunny. All those radishes and carrots are delicious, but they're not really what people expect to be served at someone's house."

" _You're_ the one who bought a hundred and one radishes," said Taiga. He was now sick of the sight and taste of them, and had taken to blending them up and sneaking them into the children's food just to use up the radishes as quickly as possible.

"They were on offer. And they had an interesting shape."

"Anyway, you can fuck off," said Taiga. "I'm not cooking for dozens of people."

"Eight people, including us. I invited three couples. That's OK, isn't it?" said Kuroto.

Taiga had explicitly said, moments ago, that it wasn't. The mention of couples brought another thought into his mind, "What are we gonna do with the kids?"

"They'll be in bed." This seemed unlikely given that Parado still wasn't sleeping through the night yet, and Nico was such a light sleeper that Taiga tiptoed around the house at night afraid to run a tap or flush a toilet.

"I'm not doing it. End of story. Either you un-invite them all or I will," said Taiga.

"I've told them next Friday. Seven o'clock," said Kuroto, and patted Taiga on the bottom as he left.

***

They'd compromised on temaki sushi for dinner, since it looked impressive and involved the minimum of effort from Taiga. All he'd have to do was prepare the rice, seaweed and fillings; and then everyone could make their own the way they liked it. This took care of most of the hard work, apart from making the house presentably clean, and trying to ensure that Nico and Parado stayed in bed.

"Everyone's got their own children. They'll understand if you need to get up and take care of something," said Kuroto, when Taiga brought up the subject.

Taiga wasn't so sure of that. After multiple occasions where Nico had smacked another child over the head with a toy, or Parado screamed and clung and refused to be left behind, his children had stopped being invited for "playdates" (as Kuroto insisted on calling them.) This was fine with Taiga, but he didn't relish the idea of sitting through an evening where boring parents shared boring anecdotes about their boring offspring. He reserved the right to love his own children while despising everyone else's.

Kuroto had brought out what he called the "nice" plates, and had been as good as his word to pick up some alcohol and flowers on the way home. They were yellow roses, which Taiga secretly loved.

"Yellow's your favourite colour," said Kuroto, pressing a gentle kiss to Taiga's lips as Taiga arranged them neatly in a vase on the table, "and roses are very romantic."

"I loathe them."

"No, you don't." Kuroto looked around at the neatly laid table and freshly cut flowers, "This looks lovely. Our evening is sure to be a success."

"It hasn't started yet," Taiga pointed out.

Taiga couldn't think for the life of him why all the guests had to be police. Kuroto might think it a good idea to for the CEO of Genm Corp to be on friendly terms with local law enforcement, but this didn't oblige Taiga to spend an evening entertaining them. They'd all brought flowers, or alcohol, and while Kuroto wouldn't regret the waste of money on already buying them Taiga most certainly did. He had no idea what one served with sushi and didn't care, so left Kuroto to fill everyone's glasses whilst Taiga went out to bring in the food.

"Taiga here really likes vegetables," said Kuroto with a smirk in Taiga's direction. It was just as well that the look Taiga gave in return couldn't kill, though not for lack of trying.

"It looks delicious," said Detective - Tomari? Terui? Taiga had no idea which was which or indeed if those were their names.

"Temaki is _in_ at the moment, isn't it?" said a woman whom Taiga loathed on sight. She was the image of an adorable housewife with her cute yellow cardigan and neat braid, and he acutely felt his failings as a stay at home parent. He knew without question that her children slept through the night, weren't violent, and didn't spit radishes back at her during meals.

Kuroto intervened with talk of work, and Taiga reached across to pour himself a generous drink. He was going to need it.

The temaki, by his own admission, was pretty damn good although his guests had expressed polite surprise at some of his choice of toppings, such as "left over scraps of karaage we need to finish up before they expire" and "bitter umeboshi no one in the house will touch." All the small talk thankfully took long enough that dinner was almost over by the time anyone asked him about his children.

"They're fine," he said, tersely. They were. It was just that, like himself and Kuroto, both were frustratingly stubborn and strong-willed.

"We prefer Nico and Parado to enjoy being children and having time to play. They'll have plenty of time to worry about exams when they're older, won't they, Taiga?" said Kuroto.

"You're not worried about getting them into good schools?" said the infuriatingly perfect woman. 

"Yeah. I'm sure glad we can afford private prep for Eiji, aren't you?" Her equally annoying husband linked his fingers through hers and they smiled.

"Ah ... well, it's difficult. Haruto is coaching Koyomi for her entrance exams, but ..." A woman whose name Taiga hadn't caught (Domon?) ran her fingers through her hair and sighed. He couldn't fathom why she thought _she_ had it tough. Taiga himself hadn't picked up a textbook and had assumed that Kuroto would put down their kids for whatever school he could bribe them into. The subject hadn't really been discussed between them.

"Our children will also attend a private school in due course. Another drink?" said Kuroto, offering the bottle.

"Don't ask me questions," said a sullen-looking man, in leather pants which squeaked as he shifted; so tight they threatened to cut off his circulation.

His wife, sitting next to him, reached out and smacked him over the head with a green slipper. "None for me, thank you. I'm driving."

Taiga already had a drink, but he topped up his glass anyway; wishing for something, anything, to come along and spare him from their crushingly dull middle-class concerns. As if on cue, a small head appeared at the top of the stairs, followed by another. Nico stomped her way down whilst Parado shuffled on his bottom; he maintained this habit despite being just about steady with stairs now, though only recently so.

"You're being really loud, Daddy," said Nico. She folded her arms and narrowed her eyes at Kuroto, as Taiga himself was prone to doing.

Kuroto got up at once and went over to her, "I'm sorry, darling. Nico, won't you say good evening to all Daddy's guests?"

"NO."

Parado burst into noisy tears, and Kuroto picked him up and rocked him until the sobs quieted down into little sniffles. Kuroto gave the guests his most charming smile, showing no response to the tiny fist now reaching out to grab at his hair - "I'm sorry. Nico and Parado were really excited about tonight."

"No we weren't," said Nico.

Taiga fixed Mrs Perfect, whose mouth was gaping open in horror, with a look. He reached across to Kuroto's plate and stole the last piece of sushi. There was no point in letting it go to waste.

"Well, you're both very tired," said Kuroto, "Taiga, my love, why don't you put the children to bed whilst I serve dessert?" 

"Dessert," said Taiga, and realised with a feeling like that of being in a plummeting elevator that he hadn't even thought about it. Why should he? It was bad enough he had to feed a bunch of people he didn't care about, without plying them with sweets as well -

"Yes. We have it, don't we?" said Kuroto, with a smile that Taiga had only ever seen him use whilst firing snivelling junior members of staff.

"You don't happen to have any plain sugar doughnuts?" said the man beside Detective Taimon or whatever her stupid name was.

"Um ..."

"I'll get it," said Nico, and raced off into the kitchen. 

"What are you doing?" said Taiga, and got up to chase after her. The last thing he needed was her overturning everything in the kitchen, but she was already rifling through the freezer drawers, pulling out a battered cardboard box. She shoved Taiga out of the way with strength beyond her years, going back towards the table before either he or Kuroto could intervene.

"Here ya go. They're grape, I think. They're supposed to be for Parado, but who cares? He's only little," said Nico.

She walked around the dinner table and handed everyone an ice lolly each.

***

"I think that was a success, don't you?"

Kuroto strolled into the kitchen, where Taiga was scrubbing at the dishes, hands turning red from the hot water and wire wool. He couldn't manage to get the lolly wrappers off the plates. He'd resolved to speak to Nico tomorrow about her behaviour, though Kuroto had encouraged him not to, saying they should instead reward her for salvaging their dinner party. Even though the children had finally gone back to bed, Taiga had had funny looks for the rest of the night from the guests; whom, he knew, were convinced he was a terrible parent. At least it would probably mean no more ghastly dinner invitations.

"The Teruis have invited us over next week, by the way. It's their turn to host," said Kuroto.

Taiga grunted and didn't even dignify that with a reply.

"And not a radish or carrot in sight. I'm impressed," Kuroto went on.

"Shut the fuck up."

"Come to bed," said Kuroto, and wrapped his arms around Taiga's waist from behind.

Taiga was about to tell him where to shove his sweet talk but, upon feeling the hard-on poking at his lower back, thought better of it.


End file.
